I thought I was back at it, rebuilding the fitness I lost over December. Then life hits and I seemingly have zero time to train. One side of me says time to move on, stop running, just do martial arts. The other side says no, you can’t stop it’s who you are, it’s the last shred of who you are as a person that is left. Besides it’s my job, how can I do what I do and not run?

I have between 9pm and 530am to train outside of Sunday and Monday. I don’t know how I did it last year. UTMB was a huge event I suppose so the drive was high. Snowdonia’s course is on the same scale but the event itself not the same, however I could actually do well overall because of that aspect. 

Why do I care? No one else really gives a shit whether I run or not. No one is concerned whether it’s going well or not or even if I enjoy it. My kids have never even seen me race and I don’t know if it would even be inspirational to them. Maybe I’m holding on to some dream of being good at something but I’m too old now. Maybe this is a midlife crisis. I don’t make money so I’m not buying crazy ass houses, cars, and crap that justifies my success. 

Hopefully this is just a blip and I should go to bed, get some rest, and regroup my thinking tomorrow. There’s got to be a way around it.