And like that motivation is lost. I didn't run at all Sunday. It's fucking impossible to clock decent miles currently in my life. 

I seem to set a high standard for myself. I know how fast I can be. I know I can do well in these races. If I have the time to train and recover properly, but as I mentioned the reality is I'm 38, married, two kids under 4. That time is extremely limited. 

Running is a very selfish activity and I try my best to work around my family which when my mornings are available is perfect. I'll bang out twenty miles before anyone is even awake. Perfect. No one even knows I've been gone. I currently don't have that luxury and it's just not working. 

I think I need to buck up, accept the reality, and just do what I can and be happy. Easier said than done. That means no Cotswold Century 100 (I've yet to register anyway). I'll run Snowdonia 50 in two weeks and try not to get too down on myself if I have a poor race. Who knows? It could actually go well. Then maybe run Beacons Ultra (46 miles) in November just because I'm registered and I hate to throw out the money. 

Snowdonia will get me in the lottery for CCC (Courmayeur - Champex - Chamonix), essentially a smaller version of UTMB in France/Italy which will qualify me for th Western States 100 lottery in 2017. So at least I'm on track still. 

I don't know. So many thoughts going through my head with this.